Falling head over heels,
thought i knew how it feels,
but with you
its like the first day
of my life.

Sunday, July 01, 2007
11:22 am ♥


something must be wrong with me these days.
one day im a happy bunny another day im an emo kid.

all the spree things are driving me crazy.
everyday i open my mail to see so many wonderland emails forwarded to me i break down.
so, many. i have so many people to refund. so many to mail out. no one to help me,
NO ONE, AT ALL. yes, its supposed to be split between me and my friend.
but now the stuffs are at my place. what do i do?

am i supposed to take it that "i am supposed to mail everything out, do everything by myself because its at my place"?
i dont have time. i have to refund. i have to check the accounts. i have to edit the excel spreadsheet. i have to buy stamps, stick and mail it out. i have to go to the post office. i have to mass email everyone.

i feel like im doing everything.
even sorry wont help.
its not like i want to ruin a long, long friendship over this trivial (if this is trivial at all) matter but, but.
i cannot take it anymores.
i dont even earn AT ALL after all the shit i did.
sometimes i wonder why i even bother doing all this,
and not shove it all back since i did my part.

i am so stressed up.
i dont know what to do.

AND,
so many people are oweing me money and i dont even know if they intend to return, at all.
two hundred, TWO HUNDRED. thats alot. im waiting to get the money back to refund to my spree participants.
and those people arent even sympathetic.
"i dont have money at the moment."
its been long enough. i dont even know what to do.

its not very nice to keep pestering your friends to return you the money,
at least i dont like to do all this but what can i do?
what other means am i left with?

i cannot keep asking my mother for money to return to all those people cos she isnt the one oweing them, its ME, i am the one.
i dont know. i feel so ashamed asking for money from so many people.
ashamed that i have to pester and pester just to get that hundred bucks back.

i dont know.
i feel like im gonna break down.
soon.

sometimes i hope i can drink my troubles away.
but i dont drink. and i know it doesnt solve the problem.
sometimes i hope i can die and probably everything will be solved.
then again i know it wont help.

i dont know.
i dont know what to do already.

sometimes i hope i can quit school and go to work or something.
but what can i do?

i am so, so, so at a loss.
what to do, what to do?

someone show me the light.